My Heart was broken on Christmas

I had an eye opening moment today (Christmas Day.)

My daughter Bailey had just finished opening her Christmas presents, and we were relaxing watching the Walt Disney World Christmas parade on TV, and eating breakfast. Our "traditional" Christmas breakfast is Blueberry muffins and candy from our stockings.

We had opened a box of See's Candy, and I had enjoyed several pieces of chocolate. After eating a few of them Bailey walked upstairs to her room. I had assumed that she was going up there to play with some of her new toys. My wife called me upstairs a few minutes later. I went into Bailey's room and found her crying in Mommy's arms. I asked her what was wrong but she refused to tell me. Finally my wife told me what had upset Bailey.

She was upset that I had had eaten too much candy and that I would stay "Big" and keep getting bigger. She was afraid that people were going to make fun of me and my size. She was also afraid that my "Sugar" was going to get too high and make me sick. She was very very upset, and crying real tears.

Needless to say I was absolutely heartbroken when I heard this. I did not know what to say. I wanted to reassure her that everything was going to be fine, (but I couldn't, if I don't change, that will be a lie, and things won't be OK.) I gave her a huge hug, and thanked her for her love and concern. I wanted to cry so badly, but I wanted to be strong in front of Bailey and make her feel better. Now after I have reflected on it all day, and can sit here at the keyboard in my home office (and "privacy" of the the Internet) and let it all out.

I can't remember a time when I felt so bad as I did at that moment. I felt like the worst father in the world. Not only am I hurting myself with my eating and exercise habits, but look at what I am putting my Daughter through as well. My guilt is overwhelming. I am trying to figure out a way to turn this moment into something positive, but it is very difficult.

I am going to try and remember this feeling, and how I made Bailey feel today, when ever I am going to do something unhealthy. Maybe that will give me strength and help me not do the things that are killing me. Pray for me and my family, I will need all the help I can get !!

Bad Month/ Turning 40

Well I finally turned the big 4-0.

I do not care about Birthdays too much. I am not hung up on turning round numbers. Being forty is no different that being 39 or 41. but having my Wife and Daughter along with my Mom and Dad here made me appreciate what I have and how much there is to loose.

Obviously I have not posted in over a month (always a bad sign.) I am back off track (AGAIN !!) My knee has really been bothering me, and prevented me from getting much exercise (along with a healthy dose of laziness.) Going hand in hand with the lack of exercise has been bad eating habits.

I have gained most of my weight back (if not a bit extra.)

Once I get through the Holidays, I will redouble my efforts and restart my healthy lifestyle (AGAIN) . I have new work shoes and running shoes (Thank you Mom and Dad !!) so that should help my knee problem a bunch.

I hope every one has a safe and happy Holiday Season !!

Another mile

After dinner, and once every one was in bed, I went for another walk tonight. Two walks in one day is a lot for my, and I hope my knee is not too sore tomorrow. It was much colder than I had anticipated (it was 50 degrees when we took our walk earlier) it was in the low 30's with frost forming on some of the cars. I found my gloves to wear and that helped, but I was still wearing shorts !! Once I got moving it wasn't so bad.

I think I walked just over a mile (plus the two from before.) I say "I think" because I have lost my darn Nike+ iPod Dongle again :-( I am very frustrated with myself because I vowed to keep better track this one when already miss having it and having accurate data of my walks. Wish me lick in finding it !!

So proud of Bailey

Sunday turned out to be a great day !!

We found out last week that Bailey (my Daughter) will be in the Concord Christmas Parade next week, with her Girl Scout Troop. She is very excited to be in a parade, and so are we, but I was a bit worried. We were not sure if she was going to be on a float or walking the whole way. It turns out that they will be walking the entire parade route (two miles or so.) I really started to get concerned, because Bailey doesn't get as much exercise as she should, just like her daddy :-( Normally when we walk for any period of time, Bailey says she is tired and wants us to carry her or side in the shopping cart (just not practical for a four foot tall plus 6 year old.)

I wanted to make an effort to get her is some sort of shape for walking in the parade, so we gave Mommy some alone time, and headed off the the local Greenway Park. Bailey usually rides her scooter here, but today I made her walk. I told her it was practice for the parade, and I even tried to get her to practice her "Parade Wave" to passing cars, but she said that was too silly :-)

Bailey did fantastic !!! We walked the entire two mile walking trail (she even did some running to boot.) She kept up a good pace and didn't complain once. I told her we were going to try and walk again for a 1/2 hour on Tuesday, and for another 2 mile walk on Wednesday (my day off.) If she can do as well Wednesday as she did today, she will do great in the parade (I had nightmares of having to pick her up in my car 1/2 way through the parade.) I am very proud of her, and I hope this effort will give her the inspiration to do more walking with her Daddy.

Quick Walk

I managed to get a quick 1.2 mile walk in tonight. I beat the rain by about a 1/2 hour. To make it as challenging as possible I took the "uphill route" around the outside of the subdivision. It is uphill for 2/3 or the distance, and most of that is a fairly steep grade, so you really start huffing and puffing at the top of the hill.

I am hoping that the rain isn't all day tomorrow, so I can get another walk in before bed tomorrow.

Happy Veteran's Day

We were able to spend Veteran's together as a family. It was a rare occasion to the three of us all have a weekday off together. We ran a few errands, and then went to the park. Dee and I walked (and Bailey rode her scooter) for 2.4 miles. I continued to walk after we got to the playground, so I could make it an even three miles. After resting for a bit, I went walking around the other side of the park, and walked for another mile.

I also started listening to a few fitness podcasts. The are very motivational, and helped inspire to keep going today. I can't wait to listen to even more episodes.

I must say it was a great day !! We got to spend time together as a family, and shared some exercise too !!

Stuck at Work

Well I got stuck at work past 10:00pm again Thursday night. I opted to bypass the gym again, and head straight home so I could get there before Midnight. Once I got settled and got Dee off to bed, I went for a walk around the neighborhood. I made it 1 3/4 miles in 35 minutes.

On Friday I went for a rare daytime walk. I got home about a 1/2 hour before I had to meet Bailey at the bus stop, so I went walking. I walked around the neighborhood for a few minutes, and when it came close to the time for the bus to arrive I just walked back and forth on near the bus stop. I probably look stupid pacing back and forth 15 or 20 times, but I got an extra 1/2 mile of walking in while waiting for the bus.

My knee is still pretty sore, and the pain is moving beck into my hip again. I really need new shoes to wear at work (I tried to find some at Payless and Target tonight , but they didn't have my size crappy quality shoes.) New work shoes will help with my "foot posture" because my worn out shoes make my feet roll outwards, putting strain on my knees (and I guess hips.) I am putting a new pair of walking/ running shoes on my Birthday/ Christmas list since they are pretty worn out also.

Quick Walk

I made to out for a walk tonight, despite getting stuck at work past 10:00pm. I had originally planned to go to the gym, but I had to get to the Video Store before they closed, so I couldn't manage it. After dropping off the DVDs I went for a walk when I got home. I walked 1.4 miles in just over a half hour. I am bringing my Gym clothes back to work tomorrow, so I will go to the Gym then (no DVDs to return, so no excuses ;-)

Rested Knee

Now that I have rested my Knee for almost a week and a half, I ventured out for a walk tonight to test it out. It was not too bad, it was a tiny bit sore, but next time I am going to take my 800mg Ibuprofen before I go walking. I walked for a full mile, in 20 minutes, so my pace is still the same as it was before. I enjoyed my walk a lot, and realized how much I missed it over the past week or so. The only downside was how cold it was. I have not found my cold weather gear yet, so I don't have my hat or gloves to wear. It was in the low 40's tonight, so I really bundled up (I even wore actual pants, not shorts.) I probably won't make it out tomorrow, it being Halloween and all, but Saturday and Sunday look like good days for walking.

Runner's Knee ??

I did make it to the gym on Wednesday night, but my knee was so sore that I could barely walk for 10 minutes when I had to call it quits.  I did 25 minutes of weight training , and 60 Ab Crunches, so it was not a totally wasted night.

I finally went to the Dr about my sore knee (it has been hurting me for almost 2 months now.) After a lot of poking and prodding of my leg, I was diagnosed with "Runner's Knee" which I find a bit ironic, since I never "run" anywhere.  The Dr said "Not every one who gets Tennis Elbow plays tennis, and not every one with Runner's Knee is a runner."  I am relieved that it is nothing too serious, my imagination ran wild and I was imagining that my joint was disintegrating or something bad like that.  The Dr recomended some leg strengthing exercises for me, and gave me and Rx for super Ibuprofin.  

I also got stuck with needles a couple of times.  They wanted to check how well my diabeties is being controlled, so they are doing an A1C test.  I also got a flu shot.

I hope to be back on the streets walking this weekend, wish me luck (an fewer pains)  :-)

Long Walk

I feel like I am hitting my stride.  I went for a walk tonight, looking to got past my usual 1/2 an hour or so.  I started with the easy rout around the neighborhood, and just kept going, and going, and going...just like the Energiser Bunny.  I pushed past the first half an hour, and I guess I got a "walkers high"  becuse it felt better and better as I went along.  I ended up walking 3 and 3/4 miles in an hour and 15 minutes.  That is the farthest I have gone since I did the Autism Walk last October.

I hope I am not too sore tomorrow, I am going to shoot for a trip to the gym after work.

Wow What a Day !!!!

I had my second Nutritionist appointment today. With my Type 2 Diabetes, I have been tracking my Blood Glucose, Food Intake and Exercise. I was a little worried going in because I have not followed the plan 100% (especially in the exercise department.) I have made HUGE changes compared to my "Bad Old Ways" but I have not followed the diet recommendations exactly. I went into today's appointment hoping to loose 10 or maybe 15 pounds over the past two months.

Well today I found out that I had lost 23 Pounds !!!!

I was truly shocked. I hadn't really noticed any changed in my clothes or appearance lately, so I was expecting a minimal loss. The Nutritionist was very please with my progress, and was mostly happy with my food and glucose logs (Soda = Bad !! I have reduced it a lot and am going to cut back even more.)

I am really motivated to consistently exercise. Today's visit was a huge win for me an a real confidence builder. I go back to the Nutritionist December 10th, I a have set a goal of weighing less than 350 pounds by then (I started at 401lbs, and was 378 today, so 29 more would put me below 350.) I have not seen that weight in more than 5 years, and it is an important goal in Healthy Lifestyle Journey.

To top the day off I went for 2 walks. I took Bailey to a local Greenway and we went for a 2+ mile walk/ scooter ride. We had a great time, and both of us are excited to do it again soon. After we got home, I left my running shoes on all evening, and I walked another 1 1/4 miles tonight. Stay turned for more exercise reports !!

Welcome Back Nike+

We have been busy all week getting ready for the big Garage Sale on Saturday. We did a lot of sorting, tossing, and tagging all week, but it is finally over. We a had a good turn out for the sale, and managed to sock away some cash for Christmas.

I finally got a replacement receiver for my Nike+ on eBay. I am glad to have it back, because it make my walking much more quantifiable. Now it is not just a 30 or 60 minute walk, I can see how long it was and how quickly I walked. It will also make walking more satisfying.

Sunday night I went for a 35 minute walk, and did a mile and a half. Not too bad considering I did make it out the door until almost 11:45PM.

Quick gym trip

I did actually manage to get to the gym after work. It was a crazy day but I stuck to my guns and wnet to the gym on the way home. I walked a mile or so and did some weight training.

Rough Week

Well I am having another rough week.  It is crazy at work, with hours being cut big time (very bad for Sallaried Managers, aka free labor) , terrible sales, and to top it off it is inventory week :-(  I worked past 10Pm Tuiesday. I had to work a double on Tuesday to save hours, then the person I was suposed to close with (and help me with inventory) didn't show up, we were stuck there until after 11PM.  But finally I had a day off to recuperate and get some things done around the house (and get some exercise in too.) ... but I get a voice mail saying the closer didn't show up, and the opening person can't stay past 5:00 (the same dude who didn't come in last night.  So I grab Bailey and start driving to the store, and hand off Bailey to Dee (who I was passing on her way home from work.)  I get to work and it looks like the person who had to leave at 5:00 didn't do anything all day, and just left the work sitting there for the Optical Fairy to do I guess. Needless to say I am pretty PO'ed !!

On the plus side, I did put some of my frustration to good use and went for a walk/ jog tonight after I got home. It was cold (50 degrees or so, so I had to put on my hoodie for the first time this season.)  I decided to push myself and jogged for about 1/4 of the way (all down hill, but it is a start.) 

I am planning on going to the Gym on my way home Friday night.  Wish me luck !!

Nice Weekend

I made some good progress over the weekend. Saturday night I walked for 50 minutes, mostly uphill. Sunday I walked for 55 minutes, two full laps around the neighborhood, once in each direction. It seems like my stamina is betting better every day. My knees are starting to bother me a bit more, but as they say "No Pain No Gain."

I still can't find my iPod connector to use with my Nike+, so I really don't have a good estimation of how far I am walking. I tried using one of my old pedometers tonight, but it read only 0.04 miles walked tonight, so it is not working :-( I really miss my Nike+, and I may have to break down and buy a new one on my next paycheck. I am hoping to get a FitBit for my Birthday or Christmas http://fitbit.com/ but they won't be available for several months.

Great Day

I was able to leave work early today, so I picked up Bailey and headed home.

After finishing Bailey's homework, I mowed the lawn for 45 minutes. It wasn't too bad since the temperatures were in the high 70s. Mowing seems like a pretty good work out, sine I was all sweaty by the time I was done.

I got myself cleaned up, and we all went to our "Fit Family" class. It was neat, we all got certificates for attending all four classes, little goody bags, and door prizes (I won 8 apples :-)
The class teacher is sending a letter to our Doctors telling them about all of the information we have learned.

Once Bailey was off to bed I went for my nightly walk. I took the harder uphill route for the first half of my walk, and it didn't seem too bad (no back pain tonight.) I walked for a good 40 minutes, and make a lot of progress.

Let's hope I can do even better tomorrow. I need to find my Nike+ adapter for my iPod, so I can get some good distance reading again.

Hitting the streets

Well after a week of being sick and some crazy work schedules, and two days of pouring rain, I finally made it back out for a walk. I was able to walk for a full 25 minutes, but I noticed that all of the stamina I had built up is gone again. I did some uphill walking, but I really felt it in my back.

We have our last "Fit Family" class tomorrow, and I am proud that we have made it all the way through. It was "only" four classes, but with my work schedule, having company, and Bailey's school events, I was amazed that we were able to make all of the classes. We learned a lot, and now we just need to put ALL of that advice into action (planning meals, exercising as a family, etc.) Bailey seems to taken a lot of it to heart, so it was well worth the time.

I am opening or will be off for the next 5 days, so I should be able to get back into some sort of routine. I am going to to work really hard at walking at least 5 out of the next 7 days. Stay tuned for more updates.

What a sick week

Well I have hit my first (of many, I am sure) snags on my new healthy routine.  I have been pretty sick for the past week or so.  I had a sore throat, hacking cough, and bad "intestinal distress."  It started out mildly enough but by the middle of last week I was a wreck.  By the week end I was not getting any better, so I went to the Urgent Care Center on Sunday.  The Dr. said it was just a viral infection, and it would just have to work it's way out of my system.  Today (Thursday) has been the first day in almost two weeks that I feel 100%  I am hoping to start my walking again in the next day or two (depending on if we go to the fair or not, and the weather.) 

On the plus side, when I weighed in at the Dr's office I had lost 15 pounds !!  Not too bad a start, hopefully I will do even better when I check in with the Dietician on Monday, keep your finger's crossed !! 

Labor Day

The Family went to Pharr Mill Road Park today.  Bailey played on the playground for a while, then we all went for a 20-30 minutes walk.  We wanted to go walking on the boardwalk by the river, but it was closed due to the floods last week.  It was a very nice park with several walking trails. I am sure we will go back there often.

Later Monday night I went for a 35 minute walk around the neighborhood.  I did a lot of uphill walking, so it was an even better workout than the previous days.  Looking forward to an even longer walk on Wednesday night !! 

Two in a row

I went for another walk tonight. I worked today, so the fact that I still went for a walk despite being tired from working is a good sign. I worked on walking longer and taking a more challenging route. I managed to walk for a half an hour, but it was starting to rain, so I cut it off a bit earlier that I would have other wise. I don't have any distances yet due to my iPod problem, and a missing pedometer. Stay tuned for more walking soon...

A fresh new start

Well I am starting over again from scratch. All of my hard work from last year is long gone, and I will have to work even harder this time to get the same results.

We had a great day as a family on Saturday. I was able to take the day off (I almost always have to work on Saturdays) at the last minute. We went to a "Mommies" picnic @ "Splash Pad" in Kannapolis, and had a wonderful time. Then we ran to South Park Mall to have my iPod looked at (more venting about that later, I want to keep this thread upbeat !!) The we drove to the new (and first in NC) Buffalo's Southwest Cafe for dinner http://www.buffaloscafe.com/ (Thanks for the directions Denise !!). We really miss Buffalo's since moving from Georgia, and it was nice to have a taste of our old "home." The whole day was free of any "meltdowns" or arguing, which is pretty amazing for a 6 year old ;-)

I took the great day we had as inspiration, and decided to go for a walk. This was the first bit of real exercise I have had in a while, and it felt good. I was only out for 20 minutes, but it was still still pretty hot and muggy at 10:00pm. I was surprised how easy it was, I figured I would be huffing and puffing after five minutes.

What a slacker !!!!

I can't believe how big a slacker I have become !! It is hard to believe that it has been nearly a year since I have posted anything :-( I am very sorry and embarrassed by that. I will do better this time.